I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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