Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
