: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
