I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
