I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want her autograph on my taint
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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