so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
