Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
