Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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