I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
