I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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