Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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