There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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