I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
