he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
