So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
