Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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