this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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