She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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