The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
