So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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