also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
