I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
