I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
