I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
