Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
