The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
