So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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