I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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