I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
