A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
