insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize