at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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