You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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