i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
