not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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