Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
