His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
