Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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