So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
