Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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