I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
