Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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