Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
