I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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