I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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