girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
