woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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