I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
