So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Shame - the story of my life.
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