My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
