How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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