And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
