Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize