Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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