Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
