since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
