We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
