she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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